Forgiving yourself when life happens.
I'm finally back, it's the first day of October & two things I absolutely love: fresh starts and fall.
So I am going to be honest with you and tell you a little bit of what has been happening in my life lately. I have fell into a little bit of a depression phase, while I was moving. Nothing was bringing me joy, literally, NOTHING. and it has affected my relationships with everyone around me especially with my husband. Even striking a normal human conversation was really difficult. I feel like those times, I just want to stay in my bed and literally cry my eyeballs out. (and God knows it has been all I was doing).
My brain does this funny thing when I am having those kind of times, it gets kinda nostalgic, and brings everything bad that has ever happened to me to the surface. Losing my two parents and the timing when it happened comes first to my attention, then everything follows, and what was triggering me is honestly? change. I do not like change, I do understand how necessary it is, and that is the only constant in life, but it is what it is and I am working on it.
I have 2 incredible sisters that are always with me, following up with what I am doing with my life and that is because I am the youngest child. I love my sisters more than anything or anyone, and my older sister is in another country. She actually sensed how much I needed a break (and needed to see her) and she booked me a ticket to her.
You have no idea how fast all of it happened, but it did and I am so grateful. The visit was very therapeutic and she is such a cheerful person with 4 amazing children. Being with her helped me a huge deal in dealing with all of those dark memories and almost painting them with a different shade.
She taught me a lot of things but what I feel that helped me the most was forgiveness, with one's self.
And God knows I needed that so much, because a lot of drastic things happened, you start to hold kind of a grudge, and it's on the person who you are supposed to love and protect the most, yourself.
If you start hating yourself because of everything you ever did wrong, like using eating as the comforting way to recover from a loss, or like remembering times where you should have done a better job being a daughter, a better job being a wife, or any role in your life that you are held accountable and you are responsible for, you will end up: hating yourself.
That is literally where all evil shit stems from.
Trust me when I am telling you this, whatever that you feel like you haven't done well, or you could have done better, forgive yourself first before you do anything, and do not hold a grudge. Because if you don't; you will never be able to move out of that weird phase. Sit by yourself and talk to yourself, be gentle, be nice and have your own back. This is all it takes.
Once forgiveness is established you will instantly try and better yourself, because you no longer have bad blood with your own self! You will be able to slowly but surely love yourself and see the stronger side in you, the side that handled all of these issues well, the size that did not give up when things got rough.
You will fall in love little by little by that side, and you will find even more beautiful angles to look at yourself from.
I am sorry for the sappy post, I just had a thought and I wanted to jot it down and share it with you.
If you need any type of support, I'll do my best to be by your side, just message me and we can talk, we are all in this crazy life that is sometimes beautifully crazy, together.
All love to you <3